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OBGYNs have a level of access to their patients' bodies that most other doctors never have. This, unfortunately, can open the door to grooming and abuse. Grooming is defined as a pattern of behavior used to build trust with a patient in order to lower their guard over time. If you notice warning signs during your visits, it's important to address them before the situation escalates. These guidelines will help you set boundaries to protect yourself from providers looking to take advantage of their position.

Common Signs Your OBGYN May Be Grooming You

OBGYNs see patients at their most vulnerable, which is exactly why grooming can go unnoticed for so long. The behaviors below don't always look alarming in the moment. Some are subtle enough that you might second-guess yourself. Don't.

Here are grooming behaviors to watch for:

• Unnecessary touching outside the exam scope — Any physical contact that goes beyond what your visit requires is a red flag.
• Excessive personal compliments — A comment about your appearance, body, or clothing that has nothing to do with your health is out of place in a clinical setting. Flattery in a medical context isn’t warmth. It's a tactic.
• Discouraging you from bringing someone — A provider who pushes back on you having a support person in the room, or makes you feel like that request is unreasonable, is removing a layer of protection you're entitled to.
• Performing exams without proper explanation — Before any procedure, your doctor should tell you what they're doing and why. If that step gets skipped, ask. If they resist answering, that's a problem.
• Creating a false sense of secrecy — Phrases like "this is just between us" or suggestions that your care is somehow more special than other patients' care are manipulation tactics. Nothing about your medical care should feel like a private arrangement.
• Making comments that minimize your discomfort — If you express that something hurts or feels wrong and your provider dismisses it, that's not just poor bedside manner. It can be a way of conditioning you to stop voicing concerns.
• Pushing past stated limits — A provider who continues an exam after you've asked them to stop or pause has violated your boundaries outright.

How to Set Boundaries with Your OBGYN

Setting limits with your OBGYN can feel uncomfortable, especially when the power dynamic is already uneven. But your comfort and safety aren’t things you negotiate away at the door. Here's how to stay protected.

Bring Someone with You

You have the right to have a support person in the exam room. A friend or family member doesn't need a reason to be there. Having a witness in the room makes it harder for a provider to act outside professional boundaries, and harder for them to deny it later if they do.

Ask for a Chaperone

If bringing someone isn't possible, request a chaperone before the exam begins. This is a standard practice in clinical settings, and any professional office should accommodate it without hesitation.

State Your Limits Out Loud

You don’t have to wait until something goes wrong to speak up. Before the exam, tell your provider what you're comfortable with. "I'd like you to explain each step as you go" is a reasonable request. So is "Please let me know before you move to the next part of the exam." Naming your expectations in advance puts them on record.

Know Your Right to Refuse

You can decline any part of an exam. If a procedure feels unnecessary or your provider can't explain why it's relevant to your visit, you're allowed to say no. A refusal isn’t a disruption to your care. Any provider who treats it like one is telling you something important about how they view your autonomy.

Ask Questions During the Exam

If something happens that you didn't expect, stop the exam and ask about it. You're allowed to pause. You're allowed to ask why a particular step is necessary. A provider who respects your care will welcome those questions without making you feel like a difficult patient.

Trust What You Notice

If something feels off during an appointment, don't talk yourself out of it. Grooming works because providers build enough trust that patients start doubting their own read on a situation. Your discomfort is a response to something, and it's worth following up on.

What to Do When Those Boundaries Are Broken

Sometimes, even when you do everything right, a provider crosses the line. What do you do in this situation? Here are some steps you can take to reclaim your power.

• Document what happened — Write down everything you remember as soon as possible after the appointment. Include the date, what was said, what was done, and who else was present. Details fade fast, and a written record gives you something concrete to reference.
• File a formal complaint with the licensing board — Every state has a medical board that investigates complaints against licensed physicians. Filing a report creates an official record and can trigger an investigation that protects other patients.
• Report to the hospital or clinic — If your provider works within a larger practice or hospital system, that organization has its own internal complaint process. Both channels are worth using.
• Seek care with a different provider — You don’t owe loyalty to a doctor who’s violated your trust. You have every right to transition to a new provider who respects your autonomy.
• Talk to a legal professional — Depending on what happened, you may have grounds for a legal case. An attorney who handles doctor-patient abuse cases can walk you through your options and let you know what your next steps could look like.

Your Body, Your Rules

Your OBGYN doesn't get unfettered access to your body just because they're your OBGYN. You have the right to set hard limits, ask questions at every step, and seek care elsewhere if a provider continues to dismiss or override your concerns.

If you've had an experience involving OBGYN sexual assault and want to seek justice against your provider, Tamara N. Holder can help. Holder is a Chicago-based attorney who specializes in doctor-patient abuse cases. Her team will listen to your story, take your experience seriously, and fight for the outcome you deserve. Get in touch, and let's move forward together.